Letting Go Of Your Child

It’s never easy. Letting go is never easy. Especially when you’ve had a needy kid. Life has always been a balancing act for me. One I fear I’ll never perfect. One kid is this way, and another is that way. One kid can eat anything; the other needs to proceed with caution. One has perfect balance; the other needs a hand. It’s just the way of it. But it’s also the life you carve out for yourself and your child when you’ve dealt with the big C. One kid is independent, but enduring surgery and chemotherapy takes a toll on the other … simple things can cause panic, weakness takes hold of the ankles.

Under that curly top lies a head of fear. Afraid of her own shadow.

I take her hand and often. If I can keep her from falling, I’ll do my best, I’ll be there, I’ll extend a hand. She often says, “I go where you go.”

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But time passes, and a kid growing up has a way of changing everything. She doesn’t reach out for my hand anymore.

I open the door for Him. “Come in.”

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I smile because I adore Him. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted for my daughter. Everything I’ve ever prayed for. Everything. I’ve known Him for so long, and I’ve just always loved Him. Something about Him. Even His name …

She doesn’t wait for me. She’s received Him with open arms, and she runs off with Him.

The chair scrapes the dining room floor, as she sits down to Bible study with Him. She’s always been nervous about reading out loud, but she reads aloud to Him. For Him. I’m so proud of her. She loves Him. She loves being in His presence. He brings out the braveness in her.

What do I do with myself? I try to find something to busy myself. This is so new. I’m not as needed as before. And I’m really feeling okay about this. I’ll go for a walk.

I open the sheep pen, and my feet hit the leaf covered dirt path. Hooves scramble behind me. I hear a different shuffling sound. She’s behind me with Him. The light radiates around her, and she’s glowing.

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It’s the sweetest sight I’ve ever seen. I laugh more than I should. I tear up more than I should.

I speed up. I don’t want to be a bother or interfere. This is good for her. I can’t help but look over, through the forest of trees, as the oaks are slipping on their sundresses. I grasp a small glimpse of her stroll … a shoe here, a pant leg there, color amidst the greenery.

He’s so tall and strong and kind and loving. He’s a gentleman. A real gentleman. I never thought I’d trust my daughter with another.  But here I am … trusting. Trusting more. If she trips, He’s right there. If she balances a log, He’s right there.

She’s more talkative than I’ve ever seen her. Where did the shy, quiet one go? She shares her dreams, her fears, her insecurities, her laughs … with Him.

All her late night conversations … Him.

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“Bye, Mom.” She closes the car door, and she’s off. The car travels through our windy driveway. She’s off with Him.

I wave my empty hand, blow a kiss, and watch the car till it’s out of sight. I look at my feet. The trees. The garden. The Rose of Sharon. And peace wraps around me like a shawl. I bow my head. Thank you, Father, for taking her hand and traveling this road with her. I couldn’t have asked for a sweeter man in her life. You’re everything I’ve ever prayed for, since the day she was born. I’m thankful she knows you. 

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~~~

Are you having to let go of something? Someone? How has God helped you through this? What insight has the Lord given you?

 

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19 thoughts on “Letting Go Of Your Child

  1. Sheila Brennan

    A Mom’s greatest job is to teach her child to walk away from her and lead their own life! Who thought this was a good plan?! Oh yeah, God did. He created Mom’s to pour our whole lives into our babies for 18 or so years, then watch them strike out to find their place in the world. You are doing a beautiful job letting go of your girls with love and grace, Shelli.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Grandma Di

    Oh, so sweet to hear this! I love that she loves Him, too! Thank you for introducing her to Him, being there when she needed you, and now releasing her to walk her own walk with Him. Blessings on you all!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Shelli, this is beautiful, and I’m blurry-eyed by the poignancy of it. You’re a wonderful mother.
    Yes, I’m also in the learning-to-let-go lane of parenthood for all three of mine. The message I’m hearing from God is I can trust Him to watch over them because He’s the same God who breathed the heavens into existence.
    Your post and His words comfort me.
    Blessings ~ Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Katelyn cried when she read this, Wendy. ❤ I didn't think I'd be able to get anything written this week, but I got a few hours alone … and … the Lord always comes thru. ❤ And yes, He breathed breathed us into existence, as well. Amazing to ponder it all. We were planned. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Shirlee Abbott

    Many parents, even those we call good Christian parents, secretly want their children love them more than anyone. But if we love God with all our hearts, our greatest desire for our children is that they love God, with all their hearts.

    Well said, as always, Shelli.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m not sure if my comment worked or not. Will write it again. 🙂

    Letting Go. You’re speaking my language, Shelli. When they hand us our babies for the first time, they should say, “Go ahead and start letting go now. It makes it a lot easier.”

    Love this post. Love your heart.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I got this one, Julie. ❤ I remember a lady telling me to let my child be a blessing to others. In other words … leave them in the church nursery, let someone baby sit them … you know. That's hard when you need to ensure their safety, etc. 🙂 But our tight grip seems to peel away, one finger at a time, over time. ❤ Love you, friend.

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  6. Awww, Shelli. You are such an amazing mom. Your girls are so blessed to have you walking beside them. And the whole letting go thing? It’s hard. I’m watching my boys as they become more independent. My oldest, he’s the one who’s reaching out into the world, ready to live more adventure. It’s hard letting go, but this is part of how God wired him. I need to let him find adventure, and hopefully, find more of Him in the process. My younger one wants to stay young forever. For now. 🙂

    I find myself praying even more than before that they will come to a place of fully trusting Jesus with their hearts. It’s a process. And, yes, I must let go of them if they are to become free to walk and choose Him for themselves. So hard some days.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love how God seems to give us one kid this way and another kid that way. It’s a tough balancing act at times, but it’s nice, like you said, when one still wants to stay little … still wants to be held, tucked into bed, hugged … not embarrassed by mom or dad … you know! 🙂 And oh, yes … what a process for them and for us. “So hard some days” … I so agree. And yet, some days … so sweet. ❤

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